Time for 800 word date application letters?
Professionally, I’ve been lucky. Very lucky, even. Every time I have been to a job interview, I’ve been offered the job. Having just written that, I bet I will never been offered a job again. Karma.
But anyway, always. Possibly because most of them were for pretty shitty job where turning up would be the only expectation from your manager.
So imagine my surprise when I had a string of aborted dates.
In many jobs, sometimes there are things you don’t see on paper. Or checking out the company’s website. Hell, they might even lie about their business. £7 million turnover, you say? More like 5.5. 6, on an affluent year.
Not that it should matter, but sometimes it does. And sometimes you’re already touring the building by the time you realise they falsified EVERYTHING.
And then there are those times when said potential employer might just look you from head to toe and, well, let’s say you can just see the deception in their eyes. No, you didn’t lie on your abilities, there is no lie on your résumé, they read it before the meeting and you discussed it over the phone. Yes, they liked it. On paper.
Blame it on ‘paper’!
So there are times when you don’t like your date. And there are times when your date doesn’t like you. And if you don’t like sentences beginning with a conjunction, then so be it.
Sometimes, however, the magic happens. You like them, they like you. In real life, too; not just on paper. Could this be? Romance? What’s happening, what’s going on?
LivingHiv’s guide to dating with HIV – Disclosure :
Now, of course, everyone’s different. I follow a few simple rules and they have seemed to be working for me so far. People may disagree with them. People may find them sensible. I shall carry on with the dodgy analogies:
Disclosing beforehand? I don’t believe in it. Now, I hear some saying it’s honest, it’s easier, it means they get the whole picture, etc.
Yeah. Right. Here’s a story:
My first car was a wreck. It was falling apart. Truth be told, I should have died in that car, it was meant to kill me (but I crashed it before it could.) I knew bit and bobs about it when I bought it, I knew it wasn’t new, I knew it had some baggage I might have to deal with. But I took it for a test ride and I liked it. So I bought it and drove it for years. You see where I’m going with this?
Many people will reject someone with HIV. I don’t blame them. But most of these people just need a little push in the right direction to overcome their prejudice.
Yes, broken cars can provide a hell of a joy ride!
During the first date, then?
Oh no. Why should you? One date sure isn’t enough time to know what they are made of. Have you ever had a date that went amazingly well, only to never hear from them again? I have. It’s rare but it happens. Some people are just weird, or lied about something, are already committed or whatnot. So disclosing then might be a bit premature.
That’s why I keep it for the second or third date. Timing is key. Too early and they might not have got to know you enough to appreciate that HIV doesn’t have to be a barrier to the relationship. Too late and they might resent you for not mentioning it earlier. Whatever happens, disclosing before sex is an absolute necessity when seeking a relationship.
But maybe I’m all wrong. I’ve only had to do this 4 times since being single. None of them rejected me for being HIV positive. I still talk and see all of them regularly.
They know something very private about me, because I got to know them. I know I can trust them with it, because they got to know me.
Our dating failed, eventually. But maybe it wasn’t anyone’s fault.
Maybe it was because dates are not job interviews; and job interviews are the only thing I’ve never failed at…